The real you is in there in all its ‘light and dark’ glory. The real you is repressed, hiding or embarrassed. Why? Your upbringing, society, your false beliefs. They are scared of the real you. You are scared of the real you.
I am not talking about some leader, some star or some super athlete here. I am talking about the real you both the light and dark side of you. Let’s take the blind folds/sleep shades off and look in our mirrors. Just between me and you let’s give our real me a day out.
Just imagine how wonderful it might be to let go – let go of inhibitions, let go of fear, let go of meeting other people’s expectations, let go of your own limitations. Imagine if there would be no consequences because the day could be erased, if you wanted it to be. Alternatively, if you liked the outcome you could keep the day and its consequences.
We grew up being told to behave, be good and help each other. Your dark (and some of your light) impulses, behaviour and actions were made to feel naughty, bad or evil. For example, it was considered naughty to be ‘showing off with such confidence’ (made others feel bad). It was bad to tell the truth that you heard or felt (as this was telling tales). It was evil to say ‘I wish I/you were dead!’ (as such remarks cut to the core of being loved, worthy and valued).
No one likes feeling those emotions so you dutifully locked them away. Occasionally, they’d escape the box in those rare moments: making you spontaneously say words which afterwards you you wished you’d never said, the action which you impulsively took yet later say that you regret and the feelings translated into secret fantasies of destruction about which you later feel embarrassed. Look in the mirror. Can you admit that a tiny part of you felt good at the time, felt it was right, that there was some undeniable truth behind it all?
I'm not talking about excuses or blaming another person. I am saying can you accept it was you? Okay, your dark side, but nevertheless was you in all your dark glory. When people say 'own your dark side', integrate it, they do not mean to condone it, excuse it or check it. They mean accept we have such emotions, feeling, thoughts and that’s okay, normal. Just like when you see a child who lashes out you understand that they do so from fear, from pain or misunderstanding. Adults still do this. I still do this. You still do this.
So back to our real you day trip out…. It is healthy to choose a private time and place where you won’t be overheard or seen. Say to yourself, ‘Okay, real me it’s time to come out. What have you got to say for yourself? You have an hour!’ This exercise it not to act out any dark thoughts or feeling that arise. It is simply to let the real, suppressed you speak up, be heard.
Enjoy the freedom
Mandy Brown